Right now, it’s sunny in Southern Utah. Darcy’s away at a volleyball tournament, and I’m home with four kids. It’s loud, chaotic, and filled with sidewalk chalk, glitter glue, and trampoline wars. Real life. And real vulnerability.

In Episode 73, we talked about staying grounded during business trips. Today, I want to explore the flip side—what happens when your spouse is the one who’s gone, and you’re left managing the house, the kids, and your emotional balance alone?

Why Disconnection, Not Distance, is the Real Threat

Whether you're 1,000 miles away or sitting in your own living room, the threat of relapse into pornography is the same. It's not about where you are—it's about whether you're connected to your values, your purpose, and your people.

Disconnection is the danger. Presence is the path. Here are three practical tools that will help you stay grounded, avoid pornography relapse, and grow stronger even when life gets messy.

Tool #1: Structure is the Antidote to Chaos

When life gets unpredictable, structure brings clarity. Even small daily routines help reduce overwhelm and prevent the drift toward buffering behaviors like zoning out, binge-watching, or turning to pornography.

Here’s how I’m using structure with my kids while my wife is away:

• Morning routine: We eat together, plan the day, and complete one chore before fun starts.
• Afternoon creative time: Reading, drawing, or simply quiet space for each kid.
• Evening reflection: 15 minutes to check in emotionally. Not as a dad. As a man navigating life.

These aren’t strict rules. They’re anchor points. Simple practices to keep me present and aligned.

Tool #2: Engage Instead of Escape – The Detour Cycle

The Detour Cycle is a powerful framework for understanding how emotional disconnection leads to porn use and other self-sabotaging behaviors.

The 5 Stages of the Detour Cycle:

1. Narrative onset: “This is too much.” “You’re failing.”
2. Emotional catalyst: Stress, overwhelm, or fatigue.
3. Escape offer: “Just take the edge off.” “You’ve earned it.”
4. Rationalization: “It’s not a big deal.” “This one time doesn’t count.”
5. Values breach: Acting out in ways that don’t align with your core values.

To break the cycle, ask: "How do I feel—and why do I feel this way?" That question shifts you from autopilot to awareness. And that’s where real strength begins.

Tool #3: Rewrite the Story You’re Living

This week could have been about survival. Four kids. Schedules upside down. But I’m choosing a different story: This is training.

Like my kids learning to serve a volleyball, it’s awkward at first. But every rep builds strength. I’m not trying to become someone who never gets overwhelmed. I’m becoming someone who knows what to do when overwhelm hits.

Here’s your prompt: What story do you tell yourself when you feel alone or disconnected? Now ask: What story would align with who you want to become?

Examples:

• Old Story: “I always mess up when I’m alone.”
• New Story: “I’m learning to stay grounded even when life gets loud.”

That’s emotional growth. That’s recovery in real time.

Bring It All Together

Let’s recap the three tools to help you stay aligned—even when routine breaks down:

1. Structure fights chaos – Use simple daily anchors to stay grounded.
2. Engage over escape – Break the Detour Cycle by tuning into your emotions.
3. Rewrite your story – Shift from survival to emotional training. Every rep counts.

This isn’t theoretical. It’s lived. One moment. One breath. One choice at a time.

So try just one tool today. Choose presence. Choose alignment. Because you’re stronger than you think.

Need Support?

If you’re serious about pornography recovery and want personalized help, I invite you to book a free consult at GetToThrive.com/workwithzach.

Let’s build a life of emotional strength, grounded presence, and freedom—together.